just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
