Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
