do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
