He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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