remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
