i wish my penis had a tongue
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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