Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
