she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
im having a threesome with these popsicles
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
it was like having sex with a tree stump
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
