i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize