just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
