I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
