my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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