Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
