Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
