Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
