i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
