i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
