Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too