So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
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So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night