Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up