Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed