I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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