Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
