??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
