You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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