You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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