it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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