butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
