i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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