so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
