A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize