So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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