Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
