He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
