He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
