Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
