omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
