Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
3pm strippers are depressing
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
