it hurts more in the daytime
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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