i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
40s are totally the cure
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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