i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
