I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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