Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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