I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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