rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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