k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We are all done wearing pants today
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?