Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape