help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You should frame my arrest warrant.