i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.