Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
