Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
