you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wear drunk well.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
