no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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