I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
