dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
