I accidentally burped into my bong.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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