so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
