so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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