Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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