And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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