she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
