I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
