No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
