Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
