I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
