My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
