Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
