i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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