yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
