When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
