woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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