Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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