I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
