I wanna bring you to show and tell
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to make out with him forever
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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