When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
