Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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