I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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